he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
