i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
