maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
