so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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