ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
