her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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