Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
