Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
