So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize