I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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