haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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