So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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