I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
