The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
