Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
