I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
