The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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