After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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