How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
