Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
