u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
