Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
