I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
