Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
