So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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