GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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