we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
