One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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