help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
