Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
