I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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