Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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