It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
