holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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