So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
