Your tits are I can't wait for
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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