Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
