I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
