I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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