You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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