okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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