so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
