Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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