just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
