You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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