I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
