You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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