I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
