Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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