I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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