too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
