i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
