She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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