Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
