Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
