I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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