i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
