Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
