Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
