I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
