Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
