Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
