no, he came in my armpit
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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