I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
