I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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