I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
