how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
