she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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